"I've always been attracted to you, but now it seems like you're finally attracted to me."
Re: marital life
|Who didn't love them|
a perm in 1989?
Lord have mercy, I was an ugly child.
This was a fact I was faced with early on in my life. It didn’t help matters that when I was seven I told my mother I wanted a short haircut like hers and she obliged. Mothers, don’t make that same mistake. I spent the entire year of second grade looking like a Rick Astley wannabe and then the following two years trying to grow the damn thing out. It was a really bad time in my youth.
I think the ugliness was cemented for me when I was in the fifth grade and was voted “funniest girl” in my class. Everyone can agree that once you’re branded as funny, there’s no turning that label around in your favor.
Looking back I clearly can see that I used humor as a defense and coping mechanism. You can’t tease a girl about being ugly if she makes you laugh, right?
There was one time in high school when a friend and I snuck off campus for lunch and upon us returning my “pretty” friend got us pulled over because she wasn’t wearing her seat belt.
|Who didn't love them some velvet in 1994?|
Since I usually always followed the rules, I of course was sweating bullets in the back seat trying to not throw up in my mouth while my friend hiked up her already too short cheerleader skirt and started flirting with the police officer.
The worst part? He ate it all up like he was a fat kid going in for another piece of chocolate cake. We ended up being let go and sent on our way with only a warning but the officer did turn to me as he was leaving and said, “You’re very lucky to have such a pretty friend. Next time try to keep her out of trouble.”
At the time I swallowed down the bile that had been sitting in the back of my throat and considered us lucky. Now as an adult I wish I could have climbed up on top of that officer’s head and shit right onto his face.
It’s my fault that my friend wasn’t wearing her seat belt and got us pulled over?
It’s my responsibility to make sure that she doesn’t break the law moving forward?
Give me a break.
Little does that officer know my “pretty” friend easily gained 75 pounds since high school, had a short stint as a stripper, obviously had a drug problem at one time and her face now resembles the leather Kooba handbag I carry on my shoulder.
Karma’s a real bitch now, isn’t it?