"How'd you sleep? I recall being yelled at during one point of the night, so I am going to assume not well."
|Making memories together since 2013.|
The pumpkin patch is a necessary evil. It's one of those outings that you look forward to all summer and then five minutes into it you want to kill everyone, yourself and especially your significant other.
I'll admit that I am annoyed by most people, but the following nine I encountered at our yearly trek to the Patch nearly caused me to head home, board up the windows, become a recluse, and throw in the towel.
Weather Wanda. It's 80 degrees out, but you're dressed in fall's finest and yet you look like a total asshole.
Mr. & Mrs. Hipster Harry. Blink and you'll miss them. Similar in nature to the sightings of the Loch Ness Monster and Abominable Snowman.
|Breaking hearts since 2011.|
Over Prepared Penny. Parents that pack for a three-month journey just to end up at the Patch. 90% of the time Doug and I will leave the house without diapers and guess what? We survived. The mother with a bag on her back, two diaper bags hanging off her stroller handle and making her hubby carry a man bag as well -- you drive me batshit crazy.
20-something Trixie and her gaggle of misfits. The group of 20-somethings that wanted a fall-like "outing" with their gal pals that didn't get the memo that the Patch is really a family must-do. Extra bonus when the gaggle is still dressed up in their "clothes" from the night before.
Costume Carla. Parents that allow their kids to wear their Halloween costume to the Patch. People, it's October 5, put it away.
Grant the Goth. It's 10 a.m. on a Sunday. What in the hell are you doing here exactly?
PDA Peter. If a visit to the Patch isn't traumatic enough I now have to watch that creepy middle-aged couple inspect each other's tonsils. Please DEAR GOD get a room.
|Not a fan of the Great Outdoors.|
Competitive Christina. The parents that thought it was a good idea to let their 10 year-old enter a pie eating contest. This is never a good idea.
Perfectionist Paul. Doug and I spent $20 and a total of 10 minutes to stuff straw into a shirt so we could take home a scarecrow. Perfectionist Paul started the same time as we and when we left the Patch an hour later, they were still at it.
Is it just awful that I'm already planning next year's trip?